When I’m depressed I feel like I’ll never be happy again, and vice versa. 0/10

This is like… my 7th good day IN A ROW. Which is awesome because May-July was mostly me living in a pit of hell and hating myself for it.1

I’m killing it right now.2 I’m working out, I’m writing, I’m sending emails, I’m having fun, I’m going to work, I’m eating well… all these things lead to a content Laura and a Laura that can rebound from setbacks.


I’m still working on that.3

It’s so strange to know though, that this won’t last. Because when I feel like this, like myself, it seems crazy4 that I have depression. How could I? How could thoughts of me WISHING I WERE DEAD ever, ever be in my head? Who is that person?

Which, ironically, is the opposite feeling I have during an episode. I lay in bed and wonder, how did I ever have goals, or dreams, or ambitions? How did I ever think I could fall in love or have friends that would love me no matter what? How did I ever think I could do anything with my life, to become a writer, to try? Who was I kidding?

That Laura is mean. But she’s still me. So, what I try and do is set myself for success when I’m feeling good, and not beat myself up so much when I’m feeling bad. It’s a weird balancing act, but I’m getting better at it every day.

Laura vs. Laura

  1. Which is not helpful.
  3. Kinda.
  4. Heh.

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