Still haven’t publicly posted this website yet. In theory it’s not so bad to tell people, but exposing all this shit on Facebook or something is now becoming terrifying to me.
I have been feeling low for the past few days now, no surprise, so why does it feel like a surprise? Maybe if I just lean into the MEH it will be over quicker.
Having friends over on Saturday night helped immensely. We had an amazing time, a great night, went to bed happy. Sunday, woke up late, tired, day slipped away, got a lot of stuff done for the wedding but felt irritable and tired all day.
Today… uh… yeah, called out of work 😐 I just didn’t feel like I had the energy to do it, to do anything. I’m still not feeling the best, achy and such, period is still here, and being a real person seems soooooo hard. I didn’t do anything but fuck around on the internet til 2pm. I just showered. But my neck still hurts and I really want to just lay down again.
I don’t *feel* depressed, there’s no dread or anything, but overall I can’t make myself do anything. The energy isn’t there. Bed is so comfy. Making food? Way too hard. I’ve had some Pirates Booty and cereal because a meal is like… so much work.
I’m worried that Zach’s worried about me. He’s working right now. I don’t want to bother him, but I know he gets worried when I just lay around. I don’t have any “bad” thoughts right now, although I have had some this weekend, when I get upset. I’m just laying around because laying around is so simple and easy. My body feels like it belongs in this position, snuggled up in pillows. Just watching other people DO things is making me more tired.
I feel like I’m just lazy, but the self-aware person in me is like… am I really depressed right now and can’t even tell?!!?!??!!