Feeling back to myself today which is awesome. I gotta relish this time that I’m OK.
Here’s another way I get hard on myself though… another way I don’t celebrate my own successes and accomplishments… I get frustrated when I have to go to work.
I enjoy my job enough. I have a good boss and manager, good work environment, get to listen to books/podcasts, and I’m good at the work. But when I’m feeling driven and ambitious, I get frustrated that I have to spend time working. I’ll get in a groove and get working on my list of things to do, and then BAM! I have to go to work. Even though I want to work on my own stuff. Wedding planning, and writing… and sometimes cleaning.
I know this is *normal* and everyone feels this way. Balancing a job, plus trying to build a writing career, PLUS planning a wedding is a lot. I’m not necessarily stressed, I like planning the wedding and working on my writing, and I don’t hate going to work, I just wish I had 5 more hours in the day so I could feel like I got a good chunk done.
That is where I get lost. Wishing I had more time. But writing all this down makes me remember that something I heard on a writing podcast… that you get more done by doing a little bit each day, versus doing a lot every once and awhile. I do chip away at everything daily. It’s just not going at the rate I would like.
Things like this frustration with work and life are what lead to situational depression for me. Some of it is biological, which I treat with meds, but some of it is the pressure and expectations I put on myself. That situational depression pops up when I feel out of control, so acknowledging the stress I put on myself hopefully will lessen it… hopefully. Do I feel like it’s lessened right now? Meh. Not really. Being nice to myself is easier said than done.