It’s almost laughable how predictable my downs are… Even knowing they’re coming doesn’t stop them though. But I’ve come a VERY long way. I now notice the subtle shifts when I go from “okay,” to “not okay,” and for a long time I was just living in “not okay,” not realizing how bad it really was.
The response from everyone since launching this blog has been overwhelmingly positive and supportive. Thank you for that. It’s amazing to me, in a way. Because basically everyone I know has a connection to mental health illness, whether it’s their own or someone close to them. BUT WE BARELY TALK ABOUT IT! Why?!
I’m glad I said something, because now, I’m not hiding part of myself, and I’ve deepened the relationships in my life, because neither are they! People will bring up one of my posts in a conversation, with a pause, to make sure it’s okay, and I’m like YES please talk about it! That’s why I write this blog. So we can share our stories. So we can share our methods of survival. And so all of us feel a little less alone.
Mental health illness is isolating, one, because it usually makes you feel like you’re messed up and unworthy of help, and two, because there is a huge stigma around it that makes people not want to share. So you’re just laying in your house wondering why you’re fucked up and everyone else is okay.
EVERYONE ELSE IS NOT OKAY!!!1
Dr. R calls this the “vodka commercial,” or, the show that we put on that life is amazing. It’s perpetrated by social media… everyone has a carefully curated version of themselves to show the world. I’m here to tell you IT’S ALL FUCKING FAKE OKAY!!!!!
I’m not Snapchatting you when I’m laying in bed crying. I’m Snapchatting you when I’m out and about, showing off my “fun life.” This blog, this article, is here to call you AND ME out. This blog is what’s really in my head. And it’s not always pretty. Most of the time, it’s only okay.
Most of us are faking it, or hiding it. You are not alone.
Logic at the VMAs. You are not alone. I want you to be alive!