I Really Don’t Want to Post today 5/10

Feeling poop today. Not a surprise. Handling it fairly well. That’s a good sign.

Was able to tell Zach about it without a massive freak out. Was able to get through work. Have been eating. Went to the gym. Basically, this is the worst I’ve felt while still doing the most things. Pretty awesome.

I don’t want to write about it. That’s the problem with running a depression blog. When you’re feeling depressed, you don’t want to do shit.

Whatever. I’m here. I’m writing it. I’m doing the thing.

I’ve been feeling pretty emotional since the bachelor/ette party we had a few weekends ago. It was so great to have so many people I love so much in the same house. And then I went back to regular life, like, WHAT IS THE POINT OF ALL THIS?!?!?!?!

Why did I move so far away from my parents? That was dumb. I miss them all the time.

Why have we all collectively agreed that working 40 hours a week is okay? I really don’t get it. I was at work today and I was like, this is SO STUPID. I’m in the back of a windowless room, all day, working on stuff that isn’t actually that important… and there are mountains outside. And the ocean. And puppies. It just feels like… a waste of all my time. But this is “how life is,” as I’ve been told many, many, many times. This is how life is. This is how “everyone” does it.

So dumb. It doesn’t make sense to me. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills… how is everyone okay with how stupid the flow of our daily lives has become.

That’s how I feel today. Like I’m wasting it. And there’s not much I can do to change that.

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