Fine-Depressed-Fine 0-5-2/10

Idk if that is confusing, but I had a roller coaster of a day, so I couldn’t really just give you one number for how I feel. Because, it was an ok day, but I did have about 4 hours of DEPRESSION!!!!

A short episode! Not even a full one really, but wow. It’s FUCKING crazy how you can’t separate your real brain from your depressed thoughts. It’s all in your damn head. And it all jumbles together. Fuck.

Here’s a short list of why I got triggered, besides the fact that I’m getting married in less than 3 weeks:

Gastrointestinal issues that are chronic and largely undiagnosed and just happened to resurface right NOW… Although they did tell me I had GERD last summer, but all the shit that should hurt me (butter, McDonald’s, eggs) doesn’t upset my tummy, so it’s super annoying because I probably need to do a really intense, restricted, diet, so I can figure out my triggers, but that’s not really a fucking option 19 DAYS BEFORE MY WEDDING. GI issues run in my family and I THINK the acid reflux medicine worked last year but honestly it’s all been so vague that I don’t even know anymore… Which just adds to my stress which just makes my stomach hurt more.

Ok so as you can see I’m a little stressed by that.

Our cat has a tiny cut on her paw, but it got swollen and we might have to take her back to the vet and she hates getting it cleaned and she hates getting her medicine and she’s unhappy and we’re going to leave for a two week honeymoon and I’m afraid to leave her FUUUUUCK.

My work is AS busy as ever… October is literally our busiest time of the year, so they’re asking me to come in full time which is a lot for me, as we know, cause I’ve talked about how difficult it is for me to take care of myself. Meh.

And the wedding.

Those are listed in order of stressor.

Anyway, this was just a bitch post, there is no higher thinking here. Fml. I’m tired. My body is angry. And so is my cat.

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