Audition Nerves

So, I’m an actress. I have been my whole life. When I was 6 I played Sally in “A Charlie Brown Christmas.” When I was in elementary school, you couldn’t be in drama club til the 4th grade and I was SO excited to join. I did community theater and our high school theater for years. I won a scholarship and two awards when I graduated. In college, I acted onstage and designed sets and worked in the theater. Then, I spent a year and a half in Michigan doing various film projects, and after that I moved to New York City for two years where I performed as much as possible. I landed a job performing school assemblies for kids, which brought me down to North Carolina. When that ended in the spring of 2014, I stopped acting.

It’s been over 3 years now and I miss it. It’s PART of me. And I’ve said for awhile now that I need to get back on the horse and go audition again, but it’s terrifying. Absolutely terrifying.

I don’t know why. I feel rusty… it’s been so long since I’ve auditioned, since I’ve been onstage. Acting has a lot of rejection, and that’s scary too. Also, I’ve never tried out for anything in any of these local theaters, I don’t know the theater, I don’t know the people, I don’t know what they expect from me as a performer… It all seems so terrifying!

And I feel a bit like a failure. I know that performing for a living is a far off dream, but I always wonder if I didn’t try enough. When I was living in NYC I was at the height of my depression, so severe I wonder how I did anything at all. Now, with meds and a husband, would I handle it better? Would I be more motivated? I don’t know. Do I even have the chance to try? I don’t know. Should I start small and just audition again and then make choices from there? Probably.

I’m putting it out there onto the internet so that I can’t back down. I HAVE to audition for something. I HAVE to perform again, even if it’s a bit role in the back. Hold me accountable, and make me tell you what I’m auditioning for… please.

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