Sometimes it’s hard to define my depression… Like, today, I’m feeling real restless and unmotivated, but I was still able to get up and go to the gym and exercise.
But, this is a morning when I would probably read Reddit for like, 4 hours, before going to work. Instead of doing something productive. But I can’t, because I have an app blocker on my phone AND my laptop for that exact reason. So, I don’t waste away my time on a screen. So, now I’m home and I can’t distract myself and I feel restless and I don’t want to do anything even though I have 2 solid hours before I have to get ready for work and I was planning on using some of that time to write.
Maybe I should just sit with it. That’s what you’re supposed to do right? Meditate on it, feel it, don’t distract yourself, don’t try to force it out, just… sit. Fine. I tried to ignore it by writing this post LOL.
It’s weird, because it’s not surfacing like a normal episode would for me, but the fact that I can go to the gym and come back and feel bloompy1 tells me that something is off. This might be another person’s off-day. Maybe that’s what it is for me. BUT, knowing what I know about my mental health, I always have to watch these days. These days are the ones that build up and lead to something down the road.
So, today, I’m going to reflect on why I feel this way… and hope that I can keep it from growing into something larger.