Learning Each Other

Today is a 2/10 day. Not a surprise, it’s that kind of week for me, but the way Zach and I are handling it is really great.

I could tell that was tired and feeling grumpy, I could tell that I was irritable and was going to start a fight, so I went to bed instead. Woke up yesterday morning feeling better, although not like, super amazing great, but more friendly toward the world.

Last night, again, not feeling so great, and Zach didn’t tease me or give me a hard time about stuff, he just listened and took me out and let me talk at him, and it made me feel better.

This might seem like small stuff, but for us, it’s a subtle sign of how much better we have gotten, together. Both of us have learned how to watch for the signs of depression, and to be a little kinder to each other when it starts to creep up.

The good thing is that, neither of us is doing anything crazy… my therapist doesn’t want me to be “the sick one” in the relationship, and I don’t think we are treating it like that. I think we are just getting better at being kinder to each other when I’m feeling bad. We should be kind to each other all the time, if possible, LOL, but the fact that I can pinpoint my depression as causing me to be irritable and go to bed instead of picking a fight is pretty impressive for me.

There has been some good stuff happening and some disappointing stuff. But my writing is still going well, now 23k words deep into my third novel, have reached the dreaded middle, but am taking it one scene at a time. Also been doing a lot of flash, just so I can write something that I can finish! Because novels are a beast.

Work is going surprisingly well, seems as if the ship has mostly righted itself, and I actually like going! Crazy. Never thought I would say that. My schedule is so flexible, everyone at work is so friendly, and I listen to music/audiobooks/podcasts all day and am able to send a few texts back and forth at work, it’s turned out to be really perfect. I’m glad I stuck it out.

My stomach is getting better, I am working on my diet and weaning off sugar as best I can right now (IT’S HARD) and not taking any pain meds 🙁 for anything. So we will see how that works when Aunt Flo comes into town next… boo. No pain meds is a bitch.

Zach’s YouTube channel is going great! It’s really fun to film them with him. And we may do more this weekend, the first in awhile where we haven’t had anything planned, and I’m looking forward to not doing anything! Yay!

Aftermath 1/10

And just like that, it’s the next day.

It wasn’t easy. Even telling Zach how I was feeling didn’t help, I spent most of the day sleeping and reading and hating myself.

Luckily, my episodes have become shorter and shorter, and the next day, I’m fairly good to go. Just have to clean up the mess that I made, literally, and try not to think about the things I thought yesterday, or the weird dreams I had, or all the time that got flushed away while I was incapacitated.

Eventually, this episode will fade and I should go back to “normal.” Then, hopefully, I can come back and learn something from it. But right now, I’m too close to it, to close to feeling guilty or ashamed, so I try not to think about it.

If I clean up, shower, and go to work, usually that will put enough life between me and my day yesterday to push me into feeling okay again.